when i wake up in the morning, i have a post it note on my ceiling telling me “take your pills”. when i walk to my pills i have a post it note telling me “take these”. when i walk to the bathroom i have a note on the mirror saying “smile” and another above the towel rack reading “hang your towel, close the curtain” on the fridge one says “make your lunch” on the front door one reads “watch your step”. i need these notes to get through the day. bipolar disorder, my manic episode specifically, has tweaked my mind, i dont even function the same as i did before the diagnosis. i forget things. i forget names. i forget feelings. i fail to understand simple commands quite often. i miss my old life. i miss being happy. this new me.. doesnt understand me. it doesnt understand that i want to go outside and be up all night looking at the stars. i want to let my hair grow and my beard grow, and i dont want to put on my uniform. the camo is a way to blend.. i dont want to blend. i want to be free from it all. seroquel chains cage my sanity. ambien abuses my mind. im running out of time. but. ill be crazy for my whole life.
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