Adventures in the World of Ambien
This is pure gold. Ambienville we used to call it. I definitely left some odd writings on my old bedroom walls.
I heart ambien.
He's a chill bro.
Thanks Ambien Walrus for suggesting I smear coffee grinds on my wall. The pattern makes for a delighful permanent decoration. Also, thanks for the jar of model clay and life-time supply of party hats, they have definitely come in handy!Love, TPS, that ten hour walk through town last summer was great, I wonder what happened to my cap though, I really liked it. Did you take it?
I just sleep. My wife locks me in!
Here be dragons (ambien walrus strikes again)http://logs.omegle.com/eec60f5
Ambien Walrus, I'm worried about your influence on my diet. I get that ordering some scrubs on ebay was cool, they make great durable PJs, but a 12-pack of size 44?At least you made sure they're union-made. I'm glad you're down with collective bargaining.
Oh, Amby Wally...remember that time I smeared scented lotions all over my mirrors to worship the fairy goddesses that lived up in the vibrating lights reflecting off of the walls? Oh, that was a riot. Or when Mrs. Butterworth and the Fantastic Mr. Fox were up in my fan that was actually a giant beautiful wasp, forever descending down to my bed? Truly a bonding experience for us. So happy we are together....forever... D:
I thought the Ambien Walrus was monogamous- with me. I am actually relieved to see that he is spreading his love with others. As I attempt to eat a whole pizza and send inappropriate texts...
Dearest Walrus,Thanks to you I am now the proud owner of a Kobe Bryant jersey. I wasn't a Lakers fan but you are quite convincing. Most people probably don't know you are such a huge Lakers fan, but I do now. Damn the late west coast games that you force me to watch when we hang out when I'm in bed. Those of us that spend time with you should forever delete the Amazon app on our phones.
OMG, I am crying outloud. I have to try to change my passwords to "Trick" myself so I can avoid massive random ambien shopping sprees.
Oh Ambien Walrus...I almost went to jail because of you... My visions of being rich and spending too much money was fantastic too. Remember the time you had me run naked in the streets in the lightning storm? That one had me sent away for a long time with the crazy people...but I'm better now...
Dearest Ambien Walrus, my old friend, I remember all of our years together of sleepwalking, sleep eating, sleep housekeeping, and sleep shopping. Most people probably think handcuffs in the bedroom are sexy, but you and I both know mine are just to keep me from driving my car at night.xoxoxo
great idea! Now that I have that idea in my head I'll probably buy some online tonight ;)
dear ambien walrus,thanks for taking care of my friend mary when she fell head first over a headstone in the cemetary.and thanks for taking care of alina when she cries for no reason then says she doesnt know why and cant tell anyone.also, thanks for helping me break my habit of peeing on all my neighborhoods bushes, i apparently decided to expands and pee on everything in the cemetary, at the park, and in town too.
Remember the time we half-cooked an entire package of bacon, then covered it with chili peppers and two raw eggs at left it sitting on the stove to discover in the morning? Thanks for at least turning the stove off. And how about that checking and savings account I opened online in the middle of the night...that was fun. Nothing like discovering you've posted your personal and financial information by having checks show up in the mail.I also REALLY appreciated buying a 42 pack of Crest Whitening Strips...to the tune of $75...although, in the light of day, my teeth thank you.But nothing is better than "re-kindling" the online friendship with a crazy nut job that I FINALLY had gotten to cease contacting me after months of ignoring her constant texts, calls, emails and FB messages. Yep, thanks for that.
Oh my God! I opened a checking account online! I also didn't find out about it 'til I got the checks in the mail! Thanks Ambien Walrus!
I make weird things to eat, too. This week one night I toasted rice cakes, then buttered them, then sprinkled them with turmeric. I found the gold stains and rice cake crumbs on the cutting board the next morning. I doubt it was much good but I don't remember...The Ambien Walrus has such odd ideas about snacks.
Ambien helps me go to bed and sleep. Ambien and alcohol helps me go to bed and send inappropriate misspelled text messages, tell my girlfriend to go to hell, sign up for match.com and message fat women, take a random road trip, make popcorn and pile it up on the living room floor, call my parents at 1 am, finish the whiskey, smoke a pack of cigarettes in the house, pee in the fireplace, write songs that makes absolutely no sense and nail the papers to the bedroom wall, donn a black suit, take all the lightbulbs out of the fixtures and put them in kitchen sink, and go to sleep on the porch.
Oh Ambien Walrus you rascal you! Thank you for the evening we spent together apparently having cocktails then driving to buy something or other. Though my attorney is not so amused I find the police report of our evening a very entertaining read. However there is no mention of you in the report, now how can that be?!! Some friends will always have Paris, you and I will always have our night in jail. Thank you well for leaving me with no memory of the evening, it's for the best.
Thank you for the evening of belly dancing to the tunes of pit bull with my ten year old son. I did see the pictures I took the next day..seems as if it was a great time! My son wants to do it again sometime! If only I could remember...
Ambien walrus I am really mad that I worked on making organic vegetable broth all day and "someone" poured it out during the night and left a messy pot in the drainer. Why would you make me do that.
Dearest Ambien Walrus,Apparently some guy at some random phone number is infinitely happy that I sent him so many pictures of my boobs. I know you tried to cover it up by deleting my outbox of text messages, but my phone bill tells me otherwise. You really are wily, Ambien Walrus. However, my boyfriend doesnt think you are as funny as I do. Youre the only one that understands me.
Dear Ambien Walrus...the early am feeding frenzies have to stop! the rest of the strawberries...gone. remainder of the lobster bits...gone. BBQ chips...yup they're gonna too.Hmmm....what's this brown gooey stuff on my fingers....oh yea Jimmys giant Reese Cups...gone..BOTH of them....hope he has forgotten about those because he's not gonna get those baby's back hahaha.... Oh well same time same place tomorrow night??...I think there's a 10# turkey in the freezer just gobbling our names.
Now I wake up to Seal's "Bring It On" reprise as my phone alarm. I still have no idea how to download ringtones to my new Iphone and don't understand how I did it. It had to have been the walrus. My husband is kind of mad that I did it because it goes on his credit card. He and I also argued about how there are 3 missing creme brule cupcakes. I made them for him for Father's Day and before Ambien, I distinctly remember there being 8 left. Tonight after I got home from work there were 5. There is no evidence that I ate them but he swears he did not. So tonight there will be no Ambien since I am taking Nyquil for a cold and I want there to be some cupcakes still in the morning.
Walrus, it's always such a treat to see an empty carton of ice cream and a spoon on the counter in the morning and no memory of eating it! Especially after I spent the day eating absolutely NO refined carbs! Thank God you've never encouraged me to drive.
Dear Ambien WalrusThank you so much for helping my write "...and my bag closed like a library. Ssshhhhhh bag." in the middle of those disturbing scribbles and rantings. I find it to be quite poetic. Thanks for your help. See ya tomorrow. Same time, same place (at the fridge.)
That shampoo we created out of everything in the bathroom has done wonders for my hair.
Dearest Ambien Walrus,I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't called but that morning when I woke up covered in mud with twigs and leaves all in my bed and hair was frankly disturbing. I still have no idea where you took me that night. Apparently we had a blast facebook video chatting with that nice young man in Syria. So thanks for all the good times. Can't wait wait to see you again. I'll have a box of wine waiting....
I take Ambien. I know the Ambian Walrus Personally. I wrote this yesterday. http://manichummingbird.blogspot.com/2013/10/ambien-rap.html
My mother used to take Ambien. She used to "sleep clean" the house.
I wrote a rap dedicated to your beloved walrus: http://manichummingbird.blogspot.com/2013/10/ambien-rap.html
My husband was wondering who I'm always talking to late at night. It must be Ambien Walrus. One time we left to go to Mac Donalds and didn't come back for six hours. My husband was wondering what happened and almost accused me of having a mystery boyfriend. All I remembered was waking up in the car at a gas station and asking the cashier for directions back to the street I live on, which was only a mile away. Somehow I got lost after the Mac Donald's drive thru,and all I brought back was a cold happy meal with a bite missing from the cheeseburger. The next time I tried ambien, I woke up in a puddle of melted ice cream in my bed. Thanks for everything Walrus.
Ambien Walrus convinced me to plug my phone charger into a bowl of macaroni and cheese. Naked. In the dark. At work.