A Short History of Fortune Cookies

Fortune cookies have been around since the beginning of time, the early philosophers stumbled upon their lair and decided to publish the wisdom as their own. Once they had found every possible fortune, Chinese people started putting them on tables for good luck. For some reason, white people always ate them so they started wrapping them in plastic since white people dont like plastic. But that still didnt work and they gave up. Now they have to replace them after every meal. No one knows how they reproduce but no matter how many they remove from the lair, they return to the same population by the next day.

Sneaky White Mochas are Getting Rid of an Anvil

Ambien Sister is on a Rampage

Chat log:

sister: online shopping on the bathroom floor at dark Brian just got me
sister: And now all I want to Sonia comnvwrse there's a window
me: Relax dude
sister: If you miss the sleepy window too become a crazed sleepwalking zombie with giggles
sister: Oh I am relaxed
me: Okay I will
sister: My breathing is tremendous
me: Oh?
sister: I am hypnotized

Sneaky White Mochas are Getting Rid of an Anvil

We have no more bananas today

A conversation with my sister while she's on Ambien

Chat log:

Sister: Well after giving this the much careful thought that it deserves, I seem to recall us having a conversation about it tomorrow. Does my memory stand correct?
Me:
Me:
Me: You remember something from tomorrow??

Ambien Abuses My Mind

when i wake up in the morning, i have a post it note on my ceiling telling me “take your pills”. when i walk to my pills i have a post it note telling me “take these”. when i walk to the bathroom i have a note on the mirror saying “smile” and another above the towel rack reading “hang your towel, close the curtain” on the fridge one says “make your lunch” on the front door one reads “watch your step”. i need these notes to get through the day. bipolar disorder, my manic episode specifically, has tweaked my mind, i dont even function the same as i did before the diagnosis. i forget things. i forget names. i forget feelings. i fail to understand simple commands quite often. i miss my old life. i miss being happy. this new me.. doesnt understand me. it doesnt understand that i want to go outside and be up all night looking at the stars. i want to let my hair grow and my beard grow, and i dont want to put on my uniform. the camo is a way to blend.. i dont want to blend. i want to be free from it all. seroquel chains cage my sanity. ambien abuses my mind. im running out of time. but. ill be crazy for my whole life.

They'll Help you Sleep

Its Imperative that We Mozey to the Woods

Having trouble sleeping so I took an Ambien and Im reading reviews and some people are crazy. I have a good idea but its too late Michelles not up. We could walk there.. to the good idea. I want to do some witchcraft, whens the moon? The reviews also said to take it when youre going to bed but im not sleepy yet and im just chillin, I write this with such wide enthused eyes I dont understand either. Why do I keep imagining random families in my head and a mom in a yellow blazer that wont stop clicking her gum. The kind of mom that would have put it in the pizza. Ya know? Everytime I read something my eyes are so surprised. Now what do you want me to tell you? About the people? Its there its snot there in there not there. I will write about the arguing couple in my head 10 minutes later and they stopped arguing and now im only arguing in my own head but this is serious! I wonder if its really cold up I dont wanna check the plan Im making things messy but we need to get to the woods! Its imperative that we mozey to the woods. Things are happening.

I Love it when my Pills Kick in!