Ambitexting

Ambitexting is worse that intoxitexting because apparently I am trying to get all creative and shit. This is not to be advised. When typing with one eye open, stick to the basics.

If my best friend is made of cats, and the Internet is made of cats, that means the Internet is my best friend. That makes more sense than I’d like to admit.

I've Figured Out How to Hallucinate

Take Ambien with the intention of going to bed. Then, don’t go to bed. You’ll start hallucinating. I swear to fucking god, I saw my make up bag and house shoe having sex last night. My Jack Skellington poster was waving at me in my dresser mirror. My Pantera poster was in 3D. It’s true. And my friend heard it all. Because I called them at 4 in the morning. Tripping balls. This was a complete accident too. Craziest fucking night ever. Go ahead. Try it. Then send me a message telling me I was right. Lol.

The trick to hallucinations

Here Be Ambien Dragons

Adventures with Ambien

Here Be Ambien Dragons

Subject takes Ambien and tries to make...

...split pea soup and...

...pretends all the utensils are soldiers and Subject is their leader.  The utensils brag about who will be the most help to make the soup, and each have their own personality.  The ladle is honored to serve the soup as a finished product, and we hold a graduation ceremony and the utensils move on to their next destination in life, the dishwasher.

...manages to cover the entire kitchen and body in pea mush

...spaghetti, yet somehow manages to get 1/4th the jar of tomato sauce on new white shirt.  Subjects shirt remains orange.

...open faced peanut butter and honey sandwich without using a plate or other surface to place bread on.  Subject is successful, however is now covered in honey and peanut butter.

Free Hugs!!

Crazy shit happened last night.

Somebody told me my friends E (female) and W (male) had switched names, that E was now W and W was now E.  So I would say things like "W, you have a nice ass!" and got everyone thoroughly confused about who was whom.

Two of my friends tried to leave, I hugged them for like 10 minutes and to be pried off so they could escape.

Then I turned into some sort of creature, I would sneak into my room mates room and put stuff in my pocket, then run around the apartment hiding the stuff, all while making chirping noises.

Eventually I got bored, so I ran into the kitchen, put my button down shirt in the freezer, and pretended like I had just arrived.  Found the shirt in the freezer today.

Woke up and my entire pack of cigarettes was empty.

ambien idea

So I came up with some brilliant business plan on ambien, I had the sense to write it down so I could follow through with it later.  Seems that real life has a different definition of "brilliant business plan".

The idea is that I would start a site that sells cheap crap, the kinda stuff you buy for 2 cents and sell for a dollar or two.  Then tell everyone that I am actually losing money, the profit is actually made by selling their information to the government.  This would piss them off and they would try to put me out of business by buying my stuff but giving fake information so the government wouldn't give me money for it.

Haha it really seemed like a brilliant plan at the time.

The Ambien Walrus Collection

Drew over at toothpaste for dinner has a hilarious reoccurring comic featuring the ambien walrus.  I have collected them all for you here.

December 6, 2007

June 22, 2009

February 4, 2010

May 22, 2010

July 21, 2010

December 7, 2010

July 5, 2011